My little angel

Elizabeth brought tears to my eyes yesterday. I have had a sore back/hip/bottom for the past few weeks (pregnancy related!) which means walking is getting increasingly painful and difficult. At times Elizabeth asks me to pick her up and carry her and sometimes I do but often I tell her that my back is sore and that I can't.

Yesterday she was in the lounge room and found David's little Bible. She opened it and said "Dear God, Father, please make Mummy's back better. In Jesus name, amen." Then she closed the Bible. I gave her lots of praise which then led to her doing it over and over which was lovely. I was so touched that she thought to pray for me all on her own. Yesterday I was feeling down about my back and how I can't do much at the moment and I was amazed to experience God's love and care, through the thoughtfulness and prayers of my own two year old daughter!

So today I wrote her a poem. It is not professional by any means and was written in a hurry but I wanted to share it anyway:

My Little Angel

My little angel

Opening the Bible

And saying a prayer

For your tired Mummy

Just over there

"In Jesus name"

And do I dare

To believe He will answer

He does care

My little angel

Looking over with

Shiny eyes of blue

To your tired Mummy

Glad of what you did do

I hope for a miracle

An answer to come through

To make your heart sing

To make your faith bloom

My little angel

What do you think

When you look at me

Hobbling along

What do you see?

Unanswered prayer?

Today at least

And my own faith

A mustard seed

My little angel

God is good

He wants our best

He loves our prayers

And to give us rest

He heard your prayer

He said, "Not yet"

So pray again, my angel

Pray in zest

Holiday photos

Update

It's amazing how quickly last term flew by! I had really hoped to write regularly on this blog but the days seem to go by without blogging being a priority.

Dave, Elizabeth and I arrived back from two weeks holiday in Queensland on Thursday. We had a lovely, relaxing time, spending one week in Bundaberg and one week in Brisbane. There is something about Queensland that is brighter and more relaxing than here. It is sunnier and warmer and I guess it is home. We really have only experienced the Inner West of Sydney which is pitiful compared to suburban Brisbane.

It was so nice on holidays not to have to plan meals, cook and wash up as we stayed with our families the whole time and they have dishwashers. A must for full-time ministry next year! A huge delight was watching our washing hang all day in full sunlight and be dry by the afternoon (rather than hang for a week inside or three days on our patio which gets no sun). It was also lovely to have doting grandparents and an auntie to play with Elizabeth. She soaked it up - different toys and lots of attention. It is a bit tricky now adusting back into everyday life where we don't have time to play with her every minute of the day.

We got to catch up with a few friends in Brisbane but there were also some good friends I missed seeing as Elizabeth was sick on the day I had planned to catch up with them. But we really enjoyed going back to our old church in Brisbane where Dave will be working next year. He will be looking after the evening congregation and it was wonderful to be able to attend the evening service while we were there and see so many new faces and see how things had changed. We are excited about being involved in ministry at our old church and seeing what God does there.
Sometimes I feel guilty that we are returning to Brisbane, hopefully to live in a house, where family is available to help when needed and where there are old friends to spend time with. But God has opened these doors for us for now. He could move us anywhere in the future.

We are also very thankful to God for the blessing of our baby BOY who is due to arrive in November. It was very exciting to see him at the ultrasound scan before we went on holidays and to find out that he is a boy. I must admit my reaction when they told me was fear - what do I do with boy??!! But I'm sure it will open a whole new world for us! Elizabeth seems to have a good grasp of the fact that there is a baby growing in Mummy's tummy and that it is a boy who will be her baby brother. She has no idea however how this is going to impact her life just as we have no idea either! She is baby crazy at the moment so I am hoping that she will dote on her little brother just as she dotes on her baby dolls.

I hope to post some photos of our holidays in the next couple of days.

Faith like a child

It has been a joy recently watching Elizabeth's language flourish and seeing her learn so many different things. A wonderful thing about her age is the way that she likes to copy everything we do and say (can be not-so-woderful sometimes!). She often sees our Bible on the lounge or table and wants to look at it. Of course we don't want her to rip the pages so we tell her to go and find her own Bible. She is able to find it very quickly and then sits looking at the pictures. This morning and when we got home from playgroup she asked me to read her Bible to her: "Read Bible story". It is such a privelege to read her truths about Jesus and see her so eager to listen! She also loves us praying with her at mealtimes and before she goes to bed. She even prays with her baby doll before giving her something to eat by taking baby's hand, bowing her head and saying "Dear God, food, amen". So cute!
I pray that as we teach her about Jesus and pray with her that she will learn what it means to love and follow Jesus.

Mourning Dum Dum

There were 3 brand new shiny dum dums (dummies) placed in the shopping trolley last Monday and over the week each one has been 'broken' due to the vigorous sucking of one little girl. A dummy used to last at least a week but recently they only last 48 hours before they totally cave in and the sound of a little mouth chewing on it makes you fear it will end up down her throat. This and the fact that I can no longer cope with gettting up in the middle of the night to put the dummy back in (even though I don't get up every night anymore, a few nights per week is enough), we have decided that dum dum has to go.
So all week we have been talking to Elizabeth about the fact that the dummies are breaking and that they are nearly all gone. One by one she has happily thrown them in the bin herself. Tonight she threw the last one away. We told her it was the last dummy and that when it went in the bin there were no more dummies. "Are you going to have a dummy tonight?" we asked her. "Yes" was the answer. "No" we said to her. "They are all broken. In the bin. No more dummies." We watched her face drop when she realised what she was saying and she started to cry "Dummy, broken."
Needless to say she cried alot when we put her to bed (with Teddy) and I went in every 5 minutes to comfort her. Then the last time I went in and was holding her, rocking her to sleep, I was thinking, am I going to have to replace dum dum with rocking? Will I have to rock her during the night? Oh, dear. I hope it is all over in 3 days like the books say!

Marriage blog

Please note my marriage blog 'Refilling the tank' below - it is my most recent blog but because I have been working on it for a while it got placed before my last blog entry. Not sure how to change that!

Refilling the tank

Six years ago on the 23rd of March, I walked down the aisle and stood before my husband wearing a white gown and full-length veil. We both made promises to each other that I thought would be easy to keep given we both loved each other, even liked each other! Even though we haven't had any major conflicts since that day I think we both realise that marriage is hard work, something that needs care and attention. It isn't always easy to keep our vows of loving each other 'with all of our heart'. Marriage is like a car - it needs regular servicing. If it doesn't get the regular service, it breaks down.



Our marriage got a type of 'service' recently when we attend a marriage day at Dave's college. It was run by Keith and Sarah Condie who, if you know them, are marriage gurus. Not that their marriage is perfect, and they openly admit that they continue to struggle in certain areas in their marriage. But they have alot of wisdom to glean and below I will endeavour to summarise what they covered on the day:



1. Five foundations for a solid marriage

a) Commitment

b) Character

"....you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Colossians 3:9-10.

As Christians we need to put on qualities such as humility, patience and self-control. As both husband and wife grow in their Christian life and in their character, their marriage is strengthened.

c) Connection

Emotional and physical connection is very important. The number one indicator of marriage breakdown is emotional disconnectedness.

d) Community

There are two problems - each person has heightened expectations of how the other person will meet their needs. Also, there is a breakdown in society of wider social support which puts more pressure on the marriage relationship where couples are left to be the sole support of one another. It is important to realise that marriage cannot meet all of your needs. You still need strong relationships with other couples and with personal friends (guy to guy, girl to girl).

e) Kingdom and lasting legacy

"The LORD God took the man and put ihim in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it". Genesis 2:15

Why did Adam need a helper in Genesis 2:18? To fulfil God's task in the world.

If your primary goal is to have a good marriage then it won't work. Selfish marriages (thinking it's all about 'us') don't work. A strong marriage allows you to further God's work in the world. Marriage is meant to have an outward focus.

2. What makes marriages work?

NOT avoiding or even resolving conflict, but
1. Deep friendship - Liking and enjoying each other. Respecting the other person and knowing their likes, dislikes, hopes and dreams. Accepting the other person for who they are.
2. Conflict handled in a gentle and careful ways. Arguments are ok as long as they are navigated well.

3. Warning signs that a relationship is in trouble

a) Harsh start-up to a conversation
Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger".

Starting a conversation with an accusation or sarcastic statement (even if said quietly) almost always ends a conversation badly. For example "You always......." or "You never........" or "So you decided to come home, did you?"
This tends to be more a problem in the female population.

b) The four marriage killers

• Criticism - making a negative statement about the other person
• Contempt - sarcasm, sneering, mockery are all poisonous to a marriage and make it very difficult to resolve a conflict.
• Defensiveness - "It's not my fault"
• Stonewalling - Ignoring the other person, lack of eye contact. Need to stop and listen, not ignore. This is more of a guy problem.

c) Emotional disconnection

"Behind all the fighting, yelling, crying, and withdrawing, counsellors nearly always find two struggling human beings with broken hearts longing to be understood, accepted and loved just for who they are." Arch Hart and Sharon Hart Morris

Barriers to emotional connection:

• busyness - key tension points in marriage is the birth of first baby
• past hurts
• disappointed....again
• unresolved hurts
• not being there when needed the most

4. Nurturing and strenghening your relationship

Three building blocks to haveing an emotionally connnected marriage

1. Trust

There are two level of trust. The first is basic reliability and trustworthiness. Trust is earned and truth is very important. Trust develops over time. The second is heart trust which is a deep trust in the other person. Women have a harder time than men trusting once trust has been destroyed.

2. Emotional availability

If the other person is emotionally available then there is an increase in satisfaction in the marriage.

3. Sensitive responsiveness

It is important to receive your spouse's thoughts and then show that you are listening and that you understand.

The marriage killers undermine all these three building blocks.

HOW TO MAKE THESE THINGS HAPPEN

a) Be friends

Principal 1: share your lives. Know each others worlds and know what each other is thinking and feeling.

Principal 2: nurture fondness and admiration. Remind each other of your positive qualities. Think about what makes you cherish the other person. This will focus you on why you love each other.

Principal 3: turn towards each other. Stop what you are doing and listen. Pray for each other about specific things during the day and then ask the person how it went.

Principle 4: kindness: understand the things that make a difference for your spouse. Husbands are not mind readers!

Principle 5: express and accept appreciation. Say thank you.

b) Soften your start-up

Proverbs 16:24: "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones".

• complain, but don't blame. It is not healthy to bottle up complaints
• make statements that start with "I" instead of "you". Eg. "I feel like I haven't seen you much lately and I miss spending time with you" rather than "You are never around anymore"
• describe what is happening, don't evaluate or judge
• be clear and direct
• be polite
• don't store things up

c) Learn to make and receive repair attempts

Repair attempts are things like:

• being able to pull out of conversation if it ets too heated - "wait, I need to calm down"
• being able to say that you were in the wrong
• using humour to make things less serious (need to be careful with this)
• being able to soothe the other if someone feels hurt
• forgiveness and repentance are important

d) Find the values and dreams that lie behind the conflict

Some conflict is perpetual. The key is to find ways to live with it and cope. The issue isn't usually the issue - it's what is going on beneath the issue. The unfulfilled dream is almost always at the bottom of every conflict.

For example, the husband goes away once a year on a business trip and for the weeks leading up with it his wife is cold towards him and doesn't give him a warm farewell. Beneath her behaviour is her fear of him not being there - she has to be in charge of the children and the buck stops with her. She feels insecure when he is not there. After realising her underlying feelings, the husband shows understanding and makes sure he calls her frequently while away. The wife makes an effort to make it easy for him to go away and gives him a warm farewell.

e) Accept your partner's personality and faults

It is all too easy to say "if only he were..........". It is very hard for a partner to change when they do not feel secure. Some things need to change but overall we need to accept each other's faults. It is awful for a person to have the "I'm not measuring up" feeling.

Grow together - grow in godliness together.